Betsy to Heavens

Betsy Palmer, best remembered for playing a woman with overly developed maternal instincts, has died at the age of 88. In another life, she had tangential contact with greatness, appearing in the tour company of South Pacific, and creating the role of Virginia in Paddy Chayefsky's teleplay of Marty, garnering her just enough fame to be a regular panelist on I’ve Got a Secret. By the late 1970s, she was largely forgotten and down on her luck. Her need for a new car led her to appear in Friday the 13th (despite thinking the script was “a piece of shit.”) as Pamela Voorhees, former cook at Camp Crystal Lake whose freak show of a son drowned because the counselors weren’t watching him swim. The middle-aged matron then became a killing machine, combining stealth, resourcefulness and strength to become Liam Neeson in a cable-knit sweater, slaughtering horny pot-smoking counselors by the busload before ending up on the wrong end of a machete.

Meara Mortal

Anne Meara, who spent more than 50 years in show business, yet no one can actually remember anything she did, has died at the age of 85. Given the frenzied rage her husband, Jerry Stiller, and son Ben, were able to summon so easily in their performances, one can only imagine what a deranged bitch she must have been at home. Meara and Stiller were well known for their skits on variety shows of the 1960s, becoming regulars on The Ed Sullivan Show, then she went on to get her own series on CBS in 1975, Kate McShane, for which she was nominated for an Emmy despite the series lasting just 10 episodes. Other vaguely memorable roles were the cook on Archie Bunker’s Place, the grandmother on ALF and Jerry’s occasional dalliance on The King of Queens.

The Thrill is Gone

(An epitaphany shared with Don)

Or

You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me – Lucille

Or

How Blue Can You Get

BB King, best remembered as Malvern Gasperon in Blues Brothers 2000, has died at the age of 89 of complications of Alzheimer’s disease, congestive heart failure and diabetes, according to a very indecisive coroner. One of the most influential blues musicians of all time, King was renowned for his distinctive solos on guitar that featured fluid string bending and shimmering vibrato, a style born out of his inability to learn chords early in his career. Well, distinctive until a bunch of white guys started ripping him off. King was also known for his tireless touring, with more than 200 dates a year into his 70s, often flying himself to his gigs. Unlike many of his fellow bluesmen, he was especially noteworthy for actually showing up for his performances. One of those tours took him to Twist, Arkansas, where two men started fighting and caused a fire. King evacuated, but returned to rescue his guitar. The men, who died in the fire, had been fighting over a women named Lucille. He then named that guitar Lucille as a reminder not to fight over women or run into burning buildings. Though he had two failed marriages, King also fathered at least 15 children to a plethora of women, making one wonder what he was so blue about.