Entered Injury Time

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Soccer Tomb-y

João Havelange, who took soccer from a boring local sport and built it into a boring, corrupt international sport, has died at the age of 100. But it's soccer - how can you even tell? He may have taken a dive to draw a foul. Or avoid a subpoena. The Brazilian businessman and former Olympic swimmer (in 1936) and water polo player (in 1952) was elected as the first non-European head of FIFA, soccer’s world organizing body, in 1974. At the time, it was a modest operation, primarily existing just to run the World Cup every 4 years. When he left after his 6th 4-year term in 1998, FIFA had $4 billion in the bank and was a $250 billion a year industry, with some of that income not even related to bribes and kickbacks. Years after his departure, he and his son-in-law were accused of pocketing $41 million and were forced to make restitution to end a Swiss criminal investigation. The revelation also led to his resignation from the International Olympic Committee, where he had served for 48 years, for “health reasons.” During his tenure, the World Cup doubled in participation to include 32 nations in 1994, with vast increases in marketing, broadcasting, and merchandising, but sadly, not scoring. Havelange was powerful enough to bar Pele, Brazil’s, if not the world’s, most famous and popular soccer player, from the draw during the US-hosted World Cup in 1994, after the soccer great had the gall to accuse Havelange and son of corruption. Havelange even was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by the Swiss football federation during the fierce bidding to host the 1998 World Cup between Switzerland and France, because anyone can bribe with money – bribing with one of the world’s most prestigious international awards is going the extra mile. Havalange was succeeded by his hand-picked successor Sepp Blatter, who drew an 8-year suspension for paying a potential rival to withdraw his challenge for FIFA president, ensuring Havelange’s legacy was secure. 

Ill-iad

Johan Cruyff, one of the best players of the one of the most tedious sports on earth, has died of cancer at the age of 68. The Dutch star won the Ballon d’Or, the stupid name FIFA came up with for their player of the year award, in 1971, 1973 and 1974, taking the Netherlands from obscurity to the final of the 1974 World Cup, where he received the Golden Ball as player of the tournament. With his club team Ajax, he won eight Eredivisie titles, three European Cups and one Intercontinental Cup, then he got sold to FC Barcelona, where he won La Liga and was named European Footballer of the Year in his first season. With the United States trying to con Americans into thinking soccer was worth watching, the North American Soccer League (NASL)’s Los Angeles Aztecs signed Cruyff. He won Player of the Year in his one season in LA, then spent a season with the Washington Diplomats. In 1999, Cruyff was voted European Player of the Century and was second behind Pelé in World Player of the Century polling by the International Federation of Football History & Statistics. He became a coach and advisor for Ajax and the Spanish national team, and was credited for spurring their successes in the 1990s and early aughts. 

Seniority Killed the Cat

Bert Williams, the man who blew the 1950 World Cup for England, has died at the age of 93. Heavy favorites to win the Cup and coming off a crushing pre-tournament win over a European team and a win in their first match, England was expected to blow a ragtag bunch of American part-time players who arrived at the stadium smoking cigars and wearing cowboy hats to celebrate Stereotype Day off the pitch. While his teammates kept pressure on the American goal, Williams was free to daydream, smooth out the grass, and look for hot Brazilians in the crowd while standing in his own goal. After making one save, Williams decided his work was done for the day and the second shot on goal by the US trickled by as the day’s only tally. The US 1-0 win, dubbed the Miracle on Grass, was so inconceivable that many British fans assumed a teletype had incorrectly reported a 10-1 British win. Despite this ignominious defeat, Williams was regarded as one of the greats of British soccer, leading the Wolverhampton Wanderers to the FA Cup in 1949 and the League Championship in 1954, and his 420 matches for the Wanderers stood as a club record for a goalkeeper for more than 40 years. 

Pitch Out

Nilton Santos, whose attempts to make the 1954 World Cup interesting by inciting a brawl were met with an ejection and a return to watching grass grow, has died of complications from a lung infection at the age of 88. The attack-minded defender was selected for the 1950 World Cup squad, but never played, which helped him survive the purge while the national team was rebuilt for the next go-round. In 1954’s “Battle of Berne,” a match with Bulgaria turned into an ugly, foul-filled (read: finally worth watching) match, which exploded with Santos’ two-footed assault on Hungarian playmaker Joszef Bozsik, who responded by punching Santos. Both were ejected, but the police had to be summoned when Santos refused to leave. Another player was later ejected, and Hungary won the riot 4-2. Santos returned to captain Brazil’s first World Cup in 1958, and at the age of 37 defended it in 1962. His voluminous understanding of the game – he was known as the Encyclopedia of Football – leadership and still formidable skill proved invaluable as star Pele had been injured in the second game of the tournament. In 1998, FIFA named him to its XI of the Century squad. By the end of his career, he had appeared in 34 state, national and international finals and won them all. 

Booted

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One with the Cosmos

Fans of 1970s soccer were saddened to learn of the heart attack death of Giorgio Chinaglia, the all-time leading scorer in North American Soccer League (NASL) history. After moving to Wales from Italy, he was discovered by the local team, Swansea Town, and first saw action with the club in 1964, where he spent two seasons until his traditional Italian training regimen - booze, women, late nights and an aversion to practice - led Swansea to let him go on a free transfer. He would return to Italy, spending three seasons in Serie C before landing with Lazio, where he scored 98 goals in 209 games and would later be named the greatest player in Lazio history. At the height of his career, he made the move to the NASL and the New York Cosmos, where he would register 242 goals in 254 games and lead the league in scoring four times. He was also able to return to his relaxed training schedule. Once, the Cosmos manager told the team that they couldn’t go out the night before a big game, and that he’d fine anyone who did $1000. Chinaglia asked who among his team planned to go out, saw four raised hands, and immediately paid the manager $5000. He was not quite as good with his money later on, between investing in the clearly failing Cosmos in 1985 and being subjected to two money laundering investigations when trying to buy teams in Italy.