Crossed Off

Ever want to talk to a dead relative? Well now you'll just have to get drunk and play with the Ouija board like the rest of us. Crossing Over with John Edward, where Edward would receive "messages" from the dead to relay to audience members, has been cancelled after three years on the Sci-Fi Channel. Reportedly, Universal Domestic TV executives called Edward and informed him that they had received a message for him from CPO Sharkey, South of Sunset and The Brotherhood of Poland, NH: "Welcome aboard."

I-DROP

Al Lapin Jr., who gave the world a string of incredibly sticky restaurants with the International House of Pancakes chain, has died at the age of 76. Founded in 1958 with a single eatery in Toluca Lake, over the years IHOP acquired Orange Julius, Love's Barbecue and Copper Penny. Prior to his eatery career, Lapin had produced Duck and Cover films for the Civil Defense Administration.

Greeced

And the Greek Olympic movement continues. Rob Derksen, the manager of Greece's Olympic baseball team and a scout with the Baltimore Orioles has died at the age of 44. Derksen had previously managed Australia in the Olympics in 1996 and led Guam’s efforts for an Olympic berth in 2000.

Does Not Compute

Herman Heine Goldstine, who directed the Army’s efforts to build ENIAC, the first electronic digital computer, died at the age of 90. Goldstine had been an ordnance mathematician when he began working on the Electronic Numerical Integrator and Computer, which when completed after 30 months and 200,000 man-hours, had 18,000 vacuum tubes, measured 30 by 60 feet and weighed 30 tons, said the man who wrote this using a laptop while reclining on the couch.

Tale from the Crypt

Legendary schlock horror director and producer Max Rosenberg, best known for such films as Tales From the Crypt and Dr. Terror's House of Horrors as well as the early rock 'n' roll movies Jamboree and Rock, Rock, Rock! has died at the age of 89. Rosenberg played a big role in bringing the Hammer films from England to the U.S., as their collaboration on the $500,000 film The Curse of Frankenstein netted a $7 million payoff and kicked off a revival of gothic horror films. Other hits included The Deadly Bees, They Came From Beyond Space, Dr Who and the Daleks, Daleks Invasion Earth: 2150 A D, Scream and Scream Again and The House That Dripped Blood.

Sorry Charlie

or

Bleeding Lungs kill Danny Dead

Danny Dark, a voice-over specialist in ads and cartoons, has died at the age of 65 from bleeding in the lungs. His commercial vitae includes "Sorry, Charlie," for StarKist, "This Bud's for you" for Budweiser, and "Raid kills bugs dead" for Raid Ant & Roach Killer. He also provided the voice of Superman in several versions of the SuperFriends cartoons.

Hit the Road

Or
He Don’t Need No Doctor

Or
Busted

Or
Never Saw it Coming
(Props to John)
Musical legend Ray Charles may have Georgia on his mind, but next week he’ll have about 78 cubic feet of California on his body, as the Diet Pepsi shill turned Spy Hard bus driver succumbed to liver disease yesterday at the age of 73. Born into abject poverty, blind by the age of 7, orphaned by 15, 2 wives, countless female acquaintances and 12 kids, this was a man born for the blues, but the classic image of Charles is an ebullient smile. A 12-time Grammy winner, he also hit #1 on the Billboard for “I Can’t Stop Loving You” and produced arguably the definitive American patriotic song with his version of "America the Beautiful," Other songs included “Busted,” "What'd I Say," and "I Don't Need No Doctor" and "Let's Go Get Stoned,” about his overcoming a 20-year addiction to heroin.

As a postscript for those proclaiming our pathetic progress in these proceedings, President Reagan's posthumousness puts the pool parlay at 7, which actually puts us 20 days ahead of the previous pool's pace.

Rooses are Dead

Hall of Fame offensive tackle Roosevelt Brown, who spent the last 51 years with the Giants as a player, an assistant coach and a scout, died of a heart attack at 71. Taken from obscure Morgan State as the 318th player drafted, he went to the Pro Bowl 10 times en route to becoming only the second pure offensive lineman inducted into the Hall of Fame. I accept partial blame for this one. After reading an old myth that putting shoes on the table meant that someone close to you would die, I intentionally put my shoes on the table in defiance of the fates. Brown had been scheduled to do an autograph signing at the Echelon Mall, which I can see from my bedroom window, the weekend after his heart attack.