Fiat Accompli

Umberto Agnelli, chairman of oft-troubled Italian carmaker Fiat, died last week as his physician was unable to head his pleas of “Fix it again, Tony.” Taking over the company after his brother’s death 15 months ago, Agnelli had led a turnaround and significantly improved the company’s finances. Unfortunately, their cars are still worthless piles of foreign crap.

No More Soap Scum

Or
A Death in the FamilySamuel Johnson, the great-grandson of the founder of SC Johnson, used to wax poetic, but no more. He passed away this weekend at 76. He took a wax company that started as a parquet floor business and built it into four global companies employing over 28,000 people and with worldwide brand recognition. You probably used at least one of this company’s products recently: Fantastik, Drano, Off, Raid, Pledge, Edge, Glade, Ziploc, Shout, Saran, Windex, Scrubbing Bubbles… The company's brands were well-known and at the forefront of American life. Mr. Johnson, the marketing brains behind the brand image, died of stomach cancer, which brings to mind a great product placement in “The Naked Gun”: “It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
(Props to Monty on special assignment)

Drug-Induced Death

or
Unchained Malady
Jack Eckerd, the founder of the chain drugstore bearing his name, died last Wednesday at age 91. He took a chain of 3 stores in Florida in 1952, turning them into 465 Eckerd’s stores in 10 states with 12,000 employees in the next 20 years. Evidently, Floridians appreciated his business, but not his politics, as he had two failed runs for governor and one failed run for U.S. Senator in that state. In 1996, J.C. Penney bought the chain; in February, a deal was finalized wherein CVS would take over the now 2,600-store chain.
(Props to Monty on special assignment)

Keep On Truckin’

or
FedEx Freight Wet
The founder of American Freightways, F. Sheridan Garrison, has made his final delivery. He was found dead at a pond in Arkansas on Tuesday, at the age of 69, apparently a victim of his fishing boat capsizing. Garrison suffered from Parkinson’s disease. He founded the billion-dollar company only 20 years ago as a regional start-up. FedEx purchased the company and its 16,000 employees in 2000 for $1.2 billion, naming it FedEx Freight East. Evidently, this put the Garrison family in the Top 10 of Arkansas Business’ list of Wealthiest Arkansans in July 2000. Feel free to put your own Ozark-based joke here.
(Props to Monty)