To Inter a Truman

Margaret Truman Daniel, only offspring of former president Harry S. Truman, has died at the age of 83. Truman also became a concert singer, radio and TV host and wrote a series of best selling murder mysteries set in Washington, D.C. Truman’s singing career drew mixed reviews, but enthusiastic fans and became front-page news when Paul Hume, the music critic of The Washington Post, said that “she cannot sing very well,” and “is flat a good deal of the time.” The president responded with some of the most awkward trash-talking ever, writing Hume “I have never met you, but if I do, you’ll need a new nose.” Ironically, the incident proved one of Truman’s more popular actions in office, as 80% of letters supported his coming to his daughter’s defense. After her performing career ended, she wrote biographies of both her parents and 23 novels in her popular “Capital Crime Series,” all set in and around Washington, starting with Murder in the White House.

Prophet Loss Statement

Or
Less Men
Gordon B. Hinckley, who helped spread the word of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while concealing their image as a cult bent on world domination and fueled by drinking the blood of Christian babies, has died at the age of 97. As president and prophet of the most boring religious order on the planet, Hinckley expanded the number of church temples from 47 to 124 and visited 60 countries, but when you don’t drink, gamble, fool around, or even drink coffee, you need some way to fill the hours. Helped immensely by the emergence of Scientology as America’s fasting growing lunatic fringe religion, Hinckley’s subtle conspiracy has grown the church to 12 million, helped fix the results of the 2002 Winter Olympics and has a church member poised to finish second to a crazy old man in the Republican primaries. With Hinckley’s passing, Mitt Romney has announced his intention of taking over the church. No wait, he isn’t. Well, maybe he is.

My Gateman, Goodbury and Graves and Mark’s Nonagenarians Gone Wild split the hit and tie for 5th.

Suharto Failure

Suharto, one of the more brutal dictators of the 20th century, has finally convinced his nation he is incapable of standing trial, succumbing to multiple organ failure at the age of 86. While much was made of his homicidal mania that started with the execution of opponents after he out-couped a leftist coup that attempted to knock Sukarno out of office, and ultimately led to the deaths of more than 500,000 Indonesians, it is worth noting that after the first few years of civil war and ethnic cleansing, the death rate slowed considerably and over the course of his 33-year rule, he only killed about 2 million countrymen. And 200,000 of the 700,000 East Timorese in a 1975 invasion and subsequent famine. His rule was also marked by significant economic growth, much of which ended up in his bank account and those of his corrupt family and administration. Estimates of the amount embezzled topped $35 billion. The successful economy and his anti-Communism left Suharto largely free of criticism both at home and abroad, and those that did complain disappeared. After being forced from office in 1998, he spent the last decade of his life practicing the Pinochet gambit, a constant stream of conveniently timed health crises to avoid prosecution for a little genocide and graft.

Mike’s Academic Squad was the only list that included a cup of Javanese and he takes over first with 2 hits and 25 points.

He’s Not There

Or
Heath Death
(Word to Kirsti)

Or
Unbalanced Ledger
(Regards for Kirsti)

Or
Ledger Debited
(Adolatry for Joe)

Or
They've Closed The Ledger On Heath
(Cap tip to Ern)
Yet another disaster befalls a Terry Gilliam production as Heath Ledger, who was to appear in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, has died, apparently from some pharmacological cause, at the age of 28. His resume showed great range – from the modern romantic comedy 10 Things I Hate About You to the medieval romantic comedy A Knight’s Tale, to the period romantic comedy Casanova, with stints as the whiny and ill-fated Revolutionary teen in The Patriot and a whiny, suicidal wannabe correctional officer in Monster’s Ball to round it out. He also managed to get out-acted by Matt Damon on The Brothers Grimm before his break-out role and an Academy Award nomination for inertly mumbling, pretending to find Michelle Williams attractive and slapping salami with Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain. Like everyone else in I’m Not There, he played Bob Dylan, and will appear as The Joker in the upcoming The Dark Knight, where I hope they’ve wrapped post-production work.

The Kingston Duo

(Props for Monty)

Or
Cheer Up, Sleepy John
(More kudos for Monty)
John Stewart, who helped blend folk and country to create Americana in those Time Life album series advertised on the 4 a.m. infomercials, has died of either an aneurysm or a stroke at the age of 68. The former member of the Kingston Trio also wrote Daydream Believer for the Monkees, Strange Rivers for Joan Baez and Runaway Train for Roseanne Cash. His solo career included the genre-defining, but commercially flopping California Bloodlines, as well as Bombs Away Dream Babies.

Honey, I Dreamed That I Was Running An Inn In Vermont And You Were.....Honey?

(Well crafted by Joe)

Bye Bob
(Props to Monty)
Carlene Watkins better get started on her life’s to-do list, because Bob Newhart’s TV wives do not lead long lives. Suzanne Pleshette, who started the sitcom tradition of sexy wives marrying schlubby guys, has died at the age of 70. That smoky voice came at a cost, as she battled lung cancer for the last 10 years. Pleshette is best remembered as Emily Hartley, wife to a Chicago psychologist whose patients never actually got better on “The Bob Newhart Show,” and in the greatest show finale ever on “Newhart.” She also got pecked to death by Alfred Hitchcock’s Birds. She won an Emmy nomination as “Leona Helmsley: The Queen of Mean” in a TV-movie. Later sitcom ventures included the short-lived and awkwardly titled “Suzanne Pleshette is Maggie Briggs,” a sitcom doomed by Alison LaPlaca, “Good Morning, Miami” as Mark Fuerstein’s horny grandmother, “Will & Grace” as Megan Mullally’s estranged con-woman mother and “8 Simple Rules” as Katey Sagal’s mother.

5 Pooligans expected the Newhart failure and take 4 points each – James Dinan takes first (briefly) as the first with two hits, Michelle’s Lights, Camera, Casket; Dawn’s Six Feet Too High, Joe Wright’s Drop Dead Gorgeous, and Monty’s Dead? No, Acting tie for 7th.

That's The Night That The Lights Went Out On Georgia

(Can I get a whoop whoop for Phil?)

Or
The Final Frontiere
(Phil strikes again)

The Devil Went Down on Georgia
(Phil, still deeply troubled by this one)
Georgia Frontiere, who left Southern California bereft of football, has died of breast cancer at the age of 80. The St. Louis native picked up the LA Rams and became a hometown hero when she dropped them off in 1995. The former nightclub singer was the first woman owner in NHL history when she took over the team when her 7th husband, Carroll Rosenbloom, was drowned by the mob. Five years later, the Rams won the Super Bowl, immediately paying off with more success than the St. Louis Cardinals achieved in 27 years. Her contributions included buying Cabbage Patch Kids for each member of the team and completing astrological charts for her players.

Butchered

(Honorifics for Monty)

Or
In the Deep Freeze
(Further praise for Monty)
Allan Melvin, best remembered as the guy who kept slipping Alice the meat but never slipping a ring on her finger, has died at the age of 84. In addition to his appearances as Sam the Butcher on The Brady Bunch, Melvin played Archie Bunker’s best friend Barney, Corporal Henshaw on The Phil Silvers Show, Rob Petrie’s Army buddy on the Dick Van Dyke Show and Sergeant Carter’s friend and rival Sergeant Charlie Hacker on Gomer Pyle: USMC. He lent his voice to Magilla Gorilla, Bluto, Drooper from The Banana Splits and played Al the Plumber in Liquid-Plumr commercials for 15 years.

That’s the Way the Curtain Crumbles

(Raves for mourning Steelers fan Jon)

Or
Steel Curtains
(Tributes for Joe, also laughing through the tears)
Ernie Holmes, one of the odder members of the Steel Curtain defense, was killed in a single car accident in Texas at the age of 59. Early in his career, he earned 5 years probation for an incident in which he shot a pistol at a police helicopter. In 1974, he picked up the nickname Arrowhead when he shaved his head, leaving only a patch of hair in the shape of an arrow. He was a member of the 1975 and 1976 Super Bowl teams, and is the third member of the Steel Curtain to die, following – Mike Webster and Steve Courson.

Mourning for Bobby Fischer

Or
Searching for Bobby Fischer? Try The Toe Tag
(Kudos to Phil)

Or
The Grim Reaper Will Get You... By Hook or By Rook
(Additional Accolades for Phil)

Or
En Pass-ed
(Cap tip to Joe)

Or
Checkmate
(An epitaphany shared with Craig)

Or
No more opening gambits
(More for Craig to be proud of)
Bobby Fischer, crazy chessman and Cold War pawn, has died of liver failure at the age of 64. The boy genius from the streets of Brooklyn defeated world champion Boris Spassky in the World Chess Championship of 1972, ending 40 years of Soviet domination in what was billed as the Cold War writ small. In a pre-ESPN, pre-PONG world, Fischer’s victory was hailed as showing how exciting chess could be. Even in the competition, Fischer’s irrationality started to emerge, with constant complaints and demands that the matches be played in an isolated room because the whir of the TV cameras distracted him, all in stark contrast to the elegance of Spassky. Even before his grand moment, he was a chess diva, demanding loyalty and secrecy from his ever-dwindling supporters, concessions from tournament organizers, and staying away from competition for months at a time, but always returning to beat the world’s best – winning 20 matches in a row against the game’s grandmasters. As unpredictable as he was on the board, he was equally unpredictable in real life. He was convinced opponents were poisoning his food, thought hotel rooms were bugged, that tournament draws were pre-arranged and was afraid to fly because the Russians might try to sabotage the plane. He bounced around the globe from Budapest to Japan to the Philippines to Switzerland and finally renounced his U.S. citizenship and ended up in Reykjavik, the scene of his greatest triumph – his Rosebud, if you well. He would emerge from seclusion occasionally to bash the United States, calling the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks “wonderful news” or say something anti-Semitic, rambling in interviews about an international Jewish conspiracy bent on destroying him and then the world. He also violated a U.S. ban on business in Yugoslavia in a 1992 rematch with Spassky and spent 9 months in a Philippine prison after trying to leave the country with an invalid passport.

Aft Pupil

(Props to Joe)
Brad Renfro took the clichéd way out for former child stars, dying of a drug overdose at the age of 25. Renfro had roles in a series of intensely mediocre movies, starting with the kid who witnesses a mob lawyer’s suicide in The Client. He was tutored in evil by a Nazi war criminal in Apt Pupil. He was one of the more dimwitted accomplices in the murder of Nick Stahl’s Bully. Between acting gigs, he developed quite an addiction to heroin, cocaine and marijuana, which brought him into contact with the law for trying to steal a 45-foot yacht, and apparently the dock it was tied to, as he failed to cast off. He was also picked up in a 2005 sweep of LA’s Skid Row.

Wait ‘Til Next Lifetime

Johnny Podres, hero of the Brooklyn Dodgers lone World Series championship, has died at the age of 75. Entering the World Series with a 9-10 record, Podres wouldn’t have been your first bet to carry a team to a World Series title, but with the Dodgers down 2-0 to the Yankees and anticipating another offseason of waiting ‘til next year, Podres delivered an 8-3 win in Game 3. Then in Game 7, mixed up fastballs and change-ups to win 2-0 on a 8-hitter and Brooklyn erupted. The karmic scale was balanced when Podres endured 5 losing seasons in his 6 years as pitching coach for the Philadelphia Phillies, though he was a member of the 1993 NL Champions’ coaching staff, which has lost 3 members in 11 months (John Vukovich, Mel Roberts).

Burger Meister

Carl Karcher, the right-wing nut who parlayed a single hot dog pushcart into the Carl’s Jr. chain of more than 1,000 fast-food restaurants bearing his name, has died at the age of 90. In 1941, he borrowed $311 against his Plymouth, spent another $15, and bought a hot dog cart. He made $14.75 his first day, and soon had a fleet of them. After the war, he added walls and opened Carl’s Drive-in Barbeque, then opened two smaller restaurants, dubbed Carl’s Jr, in 1956. Carl Jr’s, the Hardees of the Southwest, took off and by 1979, sales topped $100 million, fueling his vast right-wing conspiracy. He added proselytizing to his sales pitch, handing out coupons for free hamburgers wrapped in Scripture verses. He supported California Congressman and John Birch Society member John Schmitz and Wisconsin Commie hunter Joe McCarthy and thought Richard Nixon got a “bum rap” in Watergate. He donated heavily to anti-abortion organizations and supported a ballot initiative that would have allowed schools to fire homosexual teachers. In the 1980s, the company's railroad-themed Carl's Whistle Stop Cafes, Mexican-themed Taco de Carlos restaurants and economical Scot's coffee shops all bombed. Also, the company’s decision to go public allowed Karcher to get nailed for insider trading. The combined mismanagement resulted in Karcher getting axed.

Mark’s Eat, Drink and Be Buried scores the solo hit and pulls into a first place tie.

Back to Ever Rest

Or
Over the Hillary

Or
On Top of the World, Looking Down on Creation… Again

Or
Sir Deadmund Hillary
(Props to Michelle)

Or
Looks like someone violated the 25-35-45 rule on Cliffhangers
(Kudos to Phil for taking the long road)

Or
Rocky Mountain Died
(Additional accolades for Phil)
Sir Edmund Hillary, allegedly the first man to sully the summit of Mount Everest, paving the way for it to become littered with Starbucks cups, granola wrappers and hundreds of ignored failed climbers, has died at the age of 88. Hillary was the humble son of a New Zealand beekeeper who fell in love with mountains in the 1950s and may have scaled the world’s tallest peak. However, there is no evidence to prove that Hillary actually reached the summit. While Hillary took a picture of Norgay, there is no such photo of Hillary. Hillary claimed that he had no idea it would be such a big deal when asked why he didn’t get a picture, which makes one wonder why he bothered to take a picture of a Sherpa. Last summer I took a picture of myself at the William McKinley Birthplace Memorial in Niles, Ohio – you go on a trip, you take pictures. I’m reasonably sure that Hillary pitched a tent 10 feet out of base camp, sent Norgay up alone and has been taking credit ever since. In 1960 he returned to the Himalayas to search for the Abominable Snowman*, but his con game here was less successful and he was able to produce only bear and antelope scalps that had been purported to have been from the Yeti. Other treks he took that were better than your summer vacations included an expedition across Antarctica to the South Pole and a flight with Neil Armstrong to the North Pole.

* - NOT writer’s embellishment.

Only one Pooligan had this one, so to summit up, Michelle Haus’ Die Another Day - Just Before November 30 takes 20 points and moves into first place. The first premature extrication of the year: Joe dropped Hillary after the 2006 GHI.

Back to Ever Rest

Or
Over the Hillary

Or
On Top of the World, Looking Down on Creation… Again

Or
Sir Deadmund Hillary
(Props to Michelle)

Or
Looks like someone violated the 25-35-45 rule on Cliffhangers
(Kudos to Phil for taking the long road)

Or
Rocky Mountain Died
(Additional accolades for Phil)
Sir Edmund Hillary, allegedly the first man to sully the summit of Mount Everest, paving the way for it to become littered with Starbucks cups, granola wrappers and hundreds of ignored failed climbers, has died at the age of 88. Hillary was the humble son of a New Zealand beekeeper who fell in love with mountains in the 1950s and may have scaled the world’s tallest peak. However, there is no evidence to prove that Hillary actually reached the summit. While Hillary took a picture of Norgay, there is no such photo of Hillary. Hillary claimed that he had no idea it would be such a big deal when asked why he didn’t get a picture, which makes one wonder why he bothered to take a picture of a Sherpa. Last summer I took a picture of myself at the William McKinley Birthplace Memorial in Niles, Ohio – you go on a trip, you take pictures. I’m reasonably sure that Hillary pitched a tent 10 feet out of base camp, sent Norgay up alone and has been taking credit ever since. In 1960 he returned to the Himalayas to search for the Abominable Snowman*, but his con game here was less successful and he was able to produce only bear and antelope scalps that had been purported to have been from the Yeti. Other treks he took that were better than your summer vacations included an expedition across Antarctica to the South Pole and a flight with Neil Armstrong to the North Pole.

* - NOT writer’s embellishment.

Only one Pooligan had this one, so to summit up, Michelle Haus’ Die Another Day - Just Before November 30 takes 20 points and moves into first place. The first premature extrication of the year: Joe dropped Hillary after the 2006 GHI.

Waiting for Plan 10

Maila Nurmi, better known as the 1950s horror host and occasional actress Vampira, has died at the age of 86. The heavily gothed and amply cleavaged Nurmi was like something out of a Russ Meyer movie and heavily influenced similar fright night hostesses right through Elvira. She started screening late night horror movies in 1954, making her the first horror movie hostess, wandering through a set with mist and cobwebs while talking to her pet spider Rollo. Most fans are more familiar with her from her starring role as a corpse re-animated by aliens in Plan 9 From Outer Space, the Edward D. Wood, Jr. misunderstood classic.

Bowman the No Man

Or
The Romanian Judge Gave Him A Death Sentence
(Cap tip to Phil)

Or
He flubbed his Triple Axel and Fell 6 Feet
(Another whoop whoop for Phil)

Or
What would Brian Boitano Do? Not drugs, dumbass!
(Phil strikes again)
Christopher Bowman, as into the snow as he was gifted on the ice, has died of an overdose at the age of 40. Bowman won U.S. men’s singles championships in 1989 and 1992, a silver in the 1989 world championship and a bronze in 1990. The Olympic medal stand eluded him, as he took 7th in 1988 and 4th in 1992. He was regarded as a showman on the ice and a snowman off, with a $950-a-day cocaine habit.

Grant Him the Serenity

Johnny Grant, whose obsequiousness and uselessness perfectly mirrored the shallow modern-day Sodom that he adored, has died at the age of 84. Grant first visited Hollywood as GI in 1943, then stuck around as game show host, radio and TV reporter, disc jockey and ultimately as Tinseltown’s greatest cheerleader. He was named honorary mayor of Hollywood by the Chamber of Commerce in 1980, and hosted hundreds of Walk of Fame inductions, produced the Hollywood Christmas Parade and secured a postmark for Hollywood, a rarity to be granted to an unofficial entity.

Coup de Grass

Edward "Buddy" LeRoux, the Al Haig of Boston Red Sox owners, has died at the age of 77. The former team trainer worked his way up to VP, then was a minority owner of the team with Haywood Sullivan and Jean Yawkey, widow of former owner Tom Yawkey. In June 1983, with the team preparing to honor former star Tony Conigliaro, recovering from a stroke the year earlier, LeRoux announced the “Coup LeRoux” in which he announced he had taken control of the team. Fans were outraged that Conigliaro’s night was upstaged and LeRoux lost the court battle with Yawkey and Sullivan and was forced to sell his share of the team.

It’s a small world… and getting smaller

(Honorifics for Monty)
Joyce Carlson has died at 84 after a lengthy battle with cancer, karmic comeuppance for the insidiousness of the It’s A Small World ride she helped create at Disneyland, then brought to Disney World and then to Tokyo Disneyland, the worst atrocity inflicted on Japan by the United States since the atomic bombings at Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Carlson worked on the model for the ride as well as designing the dolls for Stereotypes on Parade.